![]() ![]() Which makes sense, right? Because “men just don’t know how to control themselves,” and …”because men are just so much more sexually driven than women are.” ![]() And if they aren’t pure enough, then these women are responsible for leading men into sin. Not that I’m saying we should - but because of this imbalance, young girls learn that they are meant to be the gatekeepers of purity, of sexuality, and that they are responsible for upholding the behavior of men. You don’t see purity balls for young men and their mothers, where young boys promise their moms that they will remain virgins. (Talk about enmeshment… that will have to be another blog post.) Girls learn that maintaining their virginity is a behavior that is linked with pleasing their dads and receiving their love and approval. Purity balls reflect, perhaps, the extreme end of purity culture, where young girls’ purity is connected with their fathers’ pride and the virginity pledges these young girls make are to their fathers. While purity balls are less common among Catholic Christians, they’re rooted in much of the same purity culture that is shared between Catholic and Evangelical Christians. ![]() ![]() (Women) are taught that their purity is equated with possessing virginity, which is equated with their value and overall dignity. Meanwhile, men are taught to value (some) women’s virginity (much more highly than their own), which then makes virgin women a kind of commodity to acquire. They are taught that their purity is equated with possessing virginity, which is equated with their value and overall dignity. Young women are taught to believe that their virginity is one of (if not THE) most important things about them. Due to the disproportionate emphasis placed on young women - rather than young men- to remain “pure,” imbalance and inequality is rampant. All of these are primarily targeted at young Christian (primarily conservative) women, and from an incredibly early age. As Christians, we need to re-think the “purity culture” we’ve been promoting. We have to examine our own biases and faults, and rectify our wrongs. There is so much screaming and anger and hurt and frustration that no one is hearing each other. In the U.S., our culture is becoming more starkly divided and polarized between progressives and conservatives, and largely along topics most closely concerned with sex and family planning (eg: abstinence-only education, abortion, birth control access, gay marriage, etc.). We constantly read about the prevalence of hookup culture and rape culture (#metoo), or about why men won’t marry women anymore, as well as articles lauding or decrying sexual freedom and liberation. I also believe that most of the purity and chastity and abstinence-only rhetoric that exists out there in mainstream Catholic/Christian circles and in Youth Ministry circles is harmful, misguided, and deeply sexist.Īs a single, female millennial, this topic is close to my heart because sex and marriage are pretty relevant to my generation, as well as to this season of my life personally. I believe part of that means reserving sexual intercourse for the Sacrament of Matrimony. I am not a virgin, but I have come to believe in the virtue of chastity and I am earnestly striving to embody that virtue in my life and in relationships, and to live with a pure heart. ![]()
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